Walking by Faith, not Sight

I often wonder what it was like for Jesus...Did He ever have those days where he just wanted to knock someone out, be unkind to anyone, tell someone that He was just so fed up with them he could spit on them? As hard as it is for us to understand, I am sure maybe he did get that angry and frustrated. After all He was a human form. The difference is He came from a place we have not been yet and He totally got what his mission was. Us on the other hand do not. We think we know the answer but we never really do.

I sit here today and wonder how I can not seem to get the whole "anger under control" thing. If only for one moment I could have a 10th of what Jesus did. I would be a much better person. Having 3 children all with special needs makes it so hard sometimes to keep my sanity. One does first and thinks later, one only sees black and white and one wants to be in total control all the time. My frustration level sometimes is so high I feel like I could run away and never look back. But then I see Jesus face in my mind's eye and feel so ashamed. I know He knows my every thought and my heart, He knows that I love all my children and would lay down my life for them, but again, I am so ashamed at what I feel sometimes.

Then you throw in the added pressure of an economy not doing well and your husband having heart issues because he feels like he has failed his family. Sometimes, it is very overwhelming. For those that know me know that I have a lot of books that I read at different times for different reasons. I am going to put down what I have found this morning and hopefully it will help you as well as it has helped me. This truly summons it up for me, how about YOU????

Sometimes I'm sad. Iknow not why
My heart is sore distressed;
It sems the burdens of this world
Have settled on my heart.
And yet I know..I know that God
Who doeth all things right
Will lead me thus to understand
To walk by FAITH...not SIGHT.
ANd though I may not see the way
He's planned for me to go...
That way seems dark to me just now
But oh, I'm sure He knows!
Today He guedes my feeble step
Tomorrow's in His right...
He has asked me to never fear....
But walk by FAITH...not SIGHT...
Some day the mists will roll away,
The sun will shine again.
I'll see the beauty in the flowers.
I'll hear the birds refrain.
And then I'lll know my Father's hand
Has led the way to light
Because I placed my hand in His
And walked by FAITH...not SIGHT...
-Ruth A Morgan

Faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see.

For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Cor. 5:7

My Special Child

How precious is this child? He is the most amazing little boy. When he was 4 and at pre-k his teacher told me that he was the "most compassionate" boy she had ever seen or taught. When kids got hurt in the playground he would stop whatever he was doing or playing with to ensure that they were ok.

There were a uniqueness about him. At the same time he could be so loving and caring he could also be very aggressive and angry. For about a year I thought I was the worst mother in the world. Could not understand why at one moment he could be one way and the next be another. All of his anger was directed towards me, not anyone else, just me. I kept thinking; "God, I know you have a purpose and I know that in the past I have not always made the best decisions about my children, but I know you trust me with him and therefore, help me understand what is going on." It just so happened not long after that we had a check up with the pediatrician and when we went in to see her, he literally rearranged the room 10 times in 30 minutes. He was bouncing off the walls and had no understanding of personal space. So therefore, he was diagnosed with ADHD....All the way home I cried and I called a friend of mine and in tears told her of the situation and she understood what I was feeling.

I NOW knew what was going on. I am research nut, so I came home and started researching all I could about it. I believe that when God has given you something (good, bad or whatever) you need to take knowledge in it. Where there is knowledge there is power. I wanted to know and understand all that I could so I could not only be a better parent but I could also help those understand him that are around him. Immediately the doc put him on meds. (I forgot to mention my hubz was away on trip during all this revelation. I "assumed" he would feel the same way I did, Thank goodness, now we know, little did I know that was not going to be the case. He was not happy and it then became even more stressful as I was trying to figure it out, help the hubz understand and deal with this child who could do a 180 degree turn at any given moment. I prayed a lot.......................

Now we are 4 years out and we are doing so much better. We still have our moments and our mornings are not something that I would want the world to see, but I now have a better understanding of how to handle it. God has used this situation in my life for me to help others. The bible says when you are down and out reach out your hand to others. Doing for others is what gives us peace and joy. Many times I have reached out to help, and it was so wonderful because it took my thinking off of me and on those in need.

I love my son more than you can ever know, and everyday we have our moments, but when I see him sleeping or he is cuddled up in my arms right before bed, I realize how God must feel about us. During the day, He could shake us and correct us but at night when we are sound asleep He may look at us and say "what angels, been a long day but I created them and I love them even when they are unlovable....What do you think??????

Reach out

Life is so wonderful...

When you walk outside you can hear the birds singing, feel the breeze on your face and admire the handy work of Our Lord and Saviour. How many times have you thought, "How do the birds know when to eat, where to eat, how to gather food"? I think that alot and realize the bible talks about how God supplies ALL their needs. Even the colors of the flowers are provided in advance. He is the Master Painter, knowing every color, shape and design of each and every flower. The most amazing thing to me is that humans always want to do it themselves. When we let go and let God he provides all things. It may not be all that we want or wished for, but it is EXACTLY what we need.

He is the Master of All and we owe Him so much. Unlike us humans, he does not make us sign the contract on the dotted line with hidden sacrifices, He wants us to know Him and admit that He is the Our Lord and Saviour and that Jesus came specifically to die for Our Sins. Not His own. Once you make that statement and believe in your heart, the road may be rocky, but this is what He promises "I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do Not Fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

What an amazing promise. He will always protect and help us all we need to do is ask and hold out our hands..

May God Bless You today as you go through your journey.

Scattered thoughts

For the past several years it seems as though my life has been in constant struggles. When I look at what William and I both have been through and what those struggles have done for us as a married couple it is just astounding. William and I have dealt with a child who almost died within the first few hours of his life, losing our financial comforts, loss of loved ones either by death or they walked away, physical challenges and scares and through all of this when most people say "Enough" or choose to get divorced because the struggles of life are too much, we are almost at our 10 year anniversary. Who would have thought. Don't get me wrong there have been times when I wanted to say the "heck with you" and leave, but because my faith in God is stronger than my faith in people we have made it. I am such a blessed woman, wife, mother, daughter,niece and friend. God has put people in my life that have taught me how to stand strong, be patient, and few who have let me cry on their shoulders. God Bless those people. As I sit here tonight, for the first time in many years I am at such peace. I may loose everything tomorrow but God has truly given me GREAT PEACE. Times are hard right now, not just for me but for anyone who thinks about tomorrow. The economy is doing a dip, the moral of people is low and the values that were once so important are no longer there; but again, I am so happy. I realize that Happiness comes from no other but GOD...He has said to me "You were once living in the darkness, but now you are walking in the light". Today I truly understand that. William has finally gotten to a point in his life where he believes that there is someone bigger than him. That he will now have to depend on someone else's strength to get through all the things that we have to endure. My heart is overjoyed with finally seeing some light in his eyes regarding God. I love my husband more than I could have ever imagined. He is so important to me and he is my best friend, my worst enemy, my rock, my strength on this earth. God knew what He was doing when He allowed us to be a couple. William is a super husband-he thinks of me first, my needs, my wants, he misses me when we are not together (or so he says)-I am not always that thoughtful or kind or generous, but he loves me anyway. I am so in awe of how blessed I truly am with this wonderful man in my life. I guess this little note is just to say "THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING ME SUCH A WONDERFUL MAN". I wish everyone could feel the peace I feel and know that it comes from God.R U Happy? If not call on God, He will bless you the same manner has He has blessed Me.

My "baby" at his birthday.....

Reflection

As I sit here today and reflect on the last few weeks; I am amazed and thrilled..As I look at my life with cancer, how far we have come from 12 years ago and see a community stand up and say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH...My personal goal for Relay was that 1st and foremost people would know that this is not an ALONE disease and 2ndly to bring awareness to our little community, hidden in the Blue Ridge Mountains, a community that only gets spot lighted for the ugly things that occur. I am so proud to be a part of Nelson and what we have done for the American Cancer Society. Who knew??I never could understand why at a time in my life when it did not matter if I lived or died; already dealing with so much pain and hurt that God would allow this to enter into my life, now looking back 12 years I know. I am a better person BECAUSE of cancer. I look at people differently. I try to have empathy and compassion as I don't know what they are dealing with on day to day basis. I am so thankful that God felt I was worthy enough to endure this nasty word. I have learned to say Thank You God for NOT being finished with me yet. That I am important enough that He wants to continue His work in me. I am not perfect and Lord knows I have many minus's, but the best part is that He loves me enough to want to teach me. He suffered for me, why should I not have to suffer??How can we enjoy the view on top if we have never seen the bottom?? Something to think about......


This picture represents God's Love and my hat is off to these people. Some who are still enduring and others who can say I am done.

Suffering

Over the course of the last few weeks, it seems as though life for me has been on the roller coaster of emotion. My life has been anything but dull or un-interesting...However; it always amazes me how through all the things that I have to endure God still is in control and He is always the victor..Lately it seems that I have to suffer. I have to suffer from hurt words, physical pain, emotional distress, hurting for my family and friends. There are people in my life he continously want to hurt me. They hurt with their words & actions. I have really been struggling with how to handle these situations. My human part says "go gett'm", my love for God says, "I am your justice. You do what is right in MY SIGHT and I will deal with the situation". This morning I got up early (had 2 let out Levi) and came in and turned on the tv and Joyce Meyers was on. I have not watched her in a while, so I thought maybe God will speak to me through her about this situation. The amazing thing.......HE DID!! It was like He planned for me to be right there at that time. My Lord is so amazing. He is always right there for me. When I think about the things that have been said and done to me over the past few weeks I am also taken back to Him. This verse is one of my favorites..it truly tells us how God loves us and how we need to give it ALL to Him. Again He is the victor. The verse is Romans 8:28-29. "And we know that all things work together for the good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of His Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethern. In other words for me it is saying..God works all things for His good and glory according to His purpose for My life. How great a God do we serve when he can turn all things around bad or otherwise for His glory as long as we are open and willing to accept him?I read a book when I am really struggling along with the bible that helps me put suffering in perspective. It is called Broken Things, why we suffer. It truly is an amazing book and it makes so much sense to me. How can we as Christians expect to go through this life and never suffer? God sent His ONLY SON-(could u do that) to die for your sins and mine so that we may spend eternity in Heaven. I have been angry and so very hurt lately, but in perspective, I have suffered NOT in comparison to God and Jesus. God does not like pride, so He wants us to be humble. Our rewards will come in Heaven and we will be blessed on earth. Pride is so ugly, and for us to understand that we need to suffer, that makes us realize that WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL...God is...No matter how much money we have or materials we own we will never be in total control. With all those things it will not make us Masters of the Universe. We may even lose a friend or two because of those things and our love for them. The other reason I feel that we suffer is because that seems to be the ONE TIME that we pray to our Heavenly Father. When life is good how many of us say Thank You God for the blessings today? I can tell you I don't always pray for thanks. I have learned over time though that the valley is a lead to the mountain top. So I have to thank Him and pray for his Grace and Mercy to get me through it. Have u ever been on a really high mountain top and looked down over into the valleys below? What an amazing sight. It reminds me of life's pathway. The turns, twists, loops, boulders in the way, trees down, no pavement, flooding. Our life is so like that. The only way to navigate through it is to seek God and His infinite wisdom. I guess what I am trying to say is that we need to say "Thank You God, You love me so much that you are not finished with me and that You will give me what I need to get through the next step in my life".

God's View